Ignophobia – Nathan Mallory's Weblog

I generally detest just posting things said by other people (this is my blog, after all), but radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh made a statement today that I thought was just too succinct, eloquently put, and completely in line with my own beliefs to pass up.

It started because Juan Williams wrote in a Washington Post column that “Amnesty is just the nice thing to do.”  So Rush replied, “In five words, he summed up the liberal argument for amnesty.  It’s a ‘nice’ thing to do, and it really is!  … And how can anybody argue with that, ‘a nice thing to do’?  I mean, it’s even hard for me. …  All I can do, ladies and gentlemen, is look at other ‘nice’ things we did, and maybe examine how they turned out.

“It was really ‘nice’ to declare war on poverty.  It was so ‘nice’!  It was just ‘nice’ to give a woman the right to choose.  It was ‘nice’ not to disturb our pristine nature to get ‘filthy’ oil.  Now let’s see how all these turned out, shall we?

“It was ‘nice’ to declare war on poverty.  It’s the longest war in our history, and it’s the costliest.  We have spent over $6 trillion on the war on poverty and guess what?  No end in sight; it didn’t end poverty, but it did destroy the family structure in the inner city, to the point now that 56% of all African-American kids live in single parent homes, and most of the single parents are mothers.  Did anything ever sound so ‘nice’, ending poverty, that ended up so badly?

“And of course, it was ‘nice’ to not disturb the pristine nature of our country to get ‘filthy’ oil.  Did anything ever sound ‘nicer’ than ‘alternative energy’?  Oh, we get so sentimentally attached to this notion of ‘alternative energy’, biofuels and ethanol and so forth.  Cheap, clean, non-polluting fuels.  Sounded ‘nice’!  …forty years ago, with synthetic fuels.  And it sounds ‘nice’ today with biofuels.  And the result is, our heads are filled with ‘nice’ thoughts and our independence is threatened by ‘not nice’ dictators, from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to Hugo Chavez and the Saudi kings.  We are totally dependent on the importation of foreign oil!  And that’s so ‘nice’, folks, to not tear up our country.  At the same time, that’s right, we were not ‘nice’ to them.  We were mean, as the world’s lone superpower we were bullies.  And so it’s ‘nice’ to have them with their hands around our throats.

“And of course, it was so ‘nice’ to give a woman the right to choose.  It was!  It didn’t sound ‘nice’ to oppose abortion or to tamper with nature, but it did sound ‘nice’ to give a woman the right to choose.  Now, it’s cost us 40 million births, 40 million needed workers since 1973.  That’s how many Americans have not been born.  And guess what?  How many illegals are here?  And why do we need them?  Because we’re short on bodies.  We aborted them because it was so ‘nice’ to give a woman the right to choose.  40 million contributors to Social Security, snuffed out because we were ‘nice’.  If that wasn’t ‘nice’ enough, it caused us to find these 40 million immigrants, legal and illegal, to fit the bill.  Did anything ever sound that ‘nice’, and end up that ‘not nice’?

“As we now suffer through the ‘nice’ ideas on immigration and the ‘nice’ results we will not get, we can look forward to ‘gosh, it’s so ‘nice’ to save the planet from global warming?’  It’s just ‘nice’.  Why can’t we just be ‘nicer’ to people?  Why can’t we just get along?  Why can’t we just sit around and let the country be destroyed?  At least we’ll be ‘nice’ in the process.  We will like ourselves.  But our children and grandchildren will HATE OUR GUTS.”

My summer weekends in Pensacola consist of more than just playing videogames. Oh, so much more! In the last month or so, I have been devouring whole television series in rapid succession, and have at last run out of recent and serialized dramatic fair to sate my senses.

If anyone has suggestions on a good series or two they can recommend, I promise I’ll return the favor. Why look, here is a short run-through of what I’ve been watching lately (all of which I can recommend to varying degrees):

24 (Season 6)
Jack Bauer and his fellow agents at CTU have provided some of the most powerful moments I have ever seen on TV. The latest season was a bit of a disappointment to many, myself included, but it was still exciting enough for me to always choose it first over Heroes a few channels down. The problem was not the events themselves, but the fact that viewers have seen the same formula for the past five years. Jack has trouble, Jack makes it through trouble, Jack escapes in the end to fight another day. It’s time to take the show in a new direction, or it won’t last much longer.

Heroes
How can you screw up a fresh idea with talented cast and a dramatic take on post-9/11 fears? Heroes gets so much right in its setup, then meanders for the middle half of the show before fizzling in a thrilling but predictable conclusion. Its relative success virtually guarantees another season, but with an already bulging cast whose superpowers are known and tested, I’m not so sure a second venture into the world of Peter Petrelli and Hiro Nakamura will be very compelling.

Sopranos (Finale)
Everyone is talking about its controversial “non-ending,” and for what its worth, I don’t like it either. But the episodes leading up to it — everything after the long mid-season break they took — saw a return to the daring elements that made Tony’s mafia troubles so fascinating. At the show’s beginning, you didn’t know who was going to stay and who was headed to the meat grinder; but in the middle, you could be fairly sure to whom the writers had given halos. So when they wrap the show up, everyone, even Tony, is fair game again, and with stirring consequences.

Arrested Development
This is one of the greatest comedies I have ever seen, but you must see it from the beginning to truly appreciate how dysfunctional the Bluth family really is. The protagonist, Michael Bluth, is the only sane one among a cadre of embezzling parents, a magician older brother, a bi-curious never-nude brother-in-law, and a son that secretly lusts for his cousin. If you just see an episode here or there (as I initially did), the deadpan narrative and dry, laugh-track-less humor make it hard to jump right in. That might explain why Fox cut it short in its third season, despite being a brilliant and original show.

The Office
Going from Arrested Development to The Office felt like a serious fall from comedic grace, but that’s only because the first season is so atrocious. By attempting to mirror (sometimes line-for-line) its U.K. progenitor, it brought with it none of the original’s charm. I think the American writers realized that, and the second season was much improved. By year three, The Office stood on its own (the British version was only two seasons), and it really began to shine. Though I’d still take Michael Bluth over Michael Scott any day, the show more than redeemed itself and I’m eagerly looking forward to what’s coming next.

The Riches
I had to run out of comedies (Arrested, Office) and laughables (Heroes) sometime, and the plight of Eddie Izzard’s Wayne Malloy made for a perfect transition. At times deathly serious, the core plot is so ridiculously implausible, you can’t help but chuckle. Malloy and his family are American gypsies (which apparently really do exist), traveling around in RVs and congregating outside the confines of civilization. When a tragic car accident with a BMW (not their fault) leaves them with a dead husband and wife on their hands, the family does what any self-respecting gypsies would do. They go to their house to clean them out, only to discover the deceased couple was moving to a new place, has few friends, and looking for a new job (as an attorney, no less). Thus the Malloy’s become the Riches, and all manner of improbable hijinks ensues.

Firefly
I missed Firefly when it originally aired, as it seems did most people. What a true shame, since it turned out to be thirteen of the finest episodes of television I have ever seen. Much in the vein of Cowboy Bebop, the show is a fusion of bleak, anti-Star Trek science fiction with thematic overtones, visually, aurally, and attitudinally, of a spaghetti Western. Malcolm Reynolds is a Han Solo-esque ne’er-do-well, captain of the Serenity, and guiding light for an eclectic crew, each it seems with a little more to them than meets the eye – a doctor and his little sister, surgically traumatized by the government; a level-headed priest who knows a little more than a priest should; a courtesan/escort who sweeps into Serenty’s ports of call to pleasure its men (and women). With production values that were nearly cinematic, and a cast so cohesive, it’s more than a little bittersweet to think what might have been.

The Tudors
I avoided this show as long as I could, since it seemed to be little more than “Henry VIII wasn’t just a fat old king… he had a lot of sex, too!” Surprisingly, after the initial shock of ever-present flesh in each episode, the story of Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn grows surprising depth, and the political intrigue gains comprehensibility as the characters twist and turn, everyone trying to manipulate the monarch for their own ends. The first season ends after only ten episodes, with more promised, and just as with The Office, the show grows on you, and I am very much anticipating where it goes next (conveniently forgetting to mention that a short trip to Wikipedia will tell you exactly how it turns out).

The second game title in my Summer of Adventure 2007 shares a lot in common with the first — extremely high visual fidelity, unheard of production values, and another clear triumph of style over substance. Kingdom Hearts II attempts to recreate the enchanting fusion of Disney and Final Fantasy universes that made the first title both unique and endearing. And it largely succeeds, by using the exact same formula as its predecessor, nearly to the letter.

After an incomprehensible introduction, KH2 quickly returns to series protagonist Sora’s search for his fellow beach children, Kairi and Riku.  After the start of the first game, his friends were swept away and Sora found himself chosen to bear the mysterious and powerful keyblade, and teaming with Disney mascots Donald and Goofy as they trek from Disney world to world in their quest.  His search took him to exotic Disney locales from films like Hercules, Winnie the Pooh, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, and Nightmare Before Christmas.  At the end, he is momentarily reunited with his friends before being separated again and forced to continue his search.

In the sequel, you will visit exotic Disney locales from films like Hercules, Winnie the Pooh, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid, and Nightmare Before Christmas as Sora fights with Donald and Goofy, using the keyblade in his search for Kairi and Riku (sound familiar?).  My biggest gripe with the game is not, however, its almost lazy concept recycling to set up yet another game; it’s the story writers’ attempt to pass off confusion, obscurity, and faux complexity as any kind of real plot depth.  This time around, in addition to the myriad of Disney-branded villains, Sora & co. have to contend with the “mysterious” Organization XIII.  Its members are unknown, its intentions are mysterious, and its relevance to any real story the game might have is almost nil.  The antagonistic concept from the first title — Disney villains are summoning violent creatures called Heartless to steal people’s hearts — is twisted and mashed to such a degree that not only do you cease to understand the point, you may well cease to care.  Now, in addition to the Heartless, there are Nobodies, who seem to serve little purpose but make for slightly greater enemy variety.  Apparently, whenever a Heartless is created, so is a Nobody.  Organization XIII is made up of Nobodies whose plan is to use Sora’s unique (?) ability to destroy Heartless (which the Organization itself creates?  how does that work?), which then release hearts into the sky (wait, I thought they were Heartless!)  and ultimately collect them for nefarious and titular purposes.  It’s all needlessly complicated, to a point that I think even many of the characters, including Organization XIII members, cease to be able to keep track.

Having seen what poor translations can do to story comprehension in games like Final Fantasy Tactics, I’d like to think perhaps KH2 has an amazing and deep story just waiting to get out.  But, like most current Square-Enix titles, the localization is superb, and the game’s plot is truly weak and not written with any eye to lasting meaning.  I like to think its planning went like…

1. Talk about friendship a lot
2. Talk about hearts a lot
3. Talk about light and darkness a lot
4. Throw in a bunch of meaningless but beloved Disney and FF characters
5. Profit!!

The frenetic action of the original game has also been tweaked for this iteration, and the results are  more or less the same.  Much of the combat system, such as Summons, Limits, and some of the transformations in Sora’s Drive Form, is entirely unnecessary to succeed in battle, and so is ultimately just wasted.  And since so much of it (including merely healing yourself) consumes every ounce of Sora’s Magic instantly, players are actually discouraged from making much use of them.  For my part, I found Sora to be a perfectly effective killing machine in his normal form with a powerful keyblade and occasional healing spell, and progressed through 95% of the game with that setup only (and that’s on Proud/Hard mode). 

It seems like Square-Enix builds their games in committees.  They have dedicated teams working on separate aspects of a game, who meet once a week or so to discuss progress and ultimately integration.  Thus you have endless number of pointless sidequests and subsidiary systems, summon spells, item synthesizing, the Gummi ship system, and the list goes on.  Each is mildly compelling in its own right, but without any real incentive to invest time — the game is almost easy to complete without the need for any of the above — who but the obsessive completionist really cares?

And to just beat a dead horse a bit further, will we ever see the day when stories about friendship, light and darkness, and the depth of one’s heart go a little further than prepubescent boys facing pseudo-complicated adversity, for the sole purpose of exploiting decades of dearly beloved (and heavily copyrighted) franchises?  I know it’s possible – I’ve seen real sincerity and feeling in television shows like Firely, and films like Spirited Away.  There were even real messages behind many of the franchises, both Disney and Squaresoft, unceremoniously plundered for their character likenesses and skeleton plots, but they are virtually non-existent in their KH forms.  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed playing Kingdom Hearts II a great deal.  As a mindless game, it largely succeeds in every area.  But the developer shoulders a challenge when it creates a storyline on so many archetypal themes and allusionary depth of character.  Where a television show like Firefly left me feeling enriched and hungering for more, KH2 left me tired of caring about its plot, and a little glad it’s all over.

Score: 7 / 10

What do you get when you combine the director and musical composer of Vagrant Story with the budget and scope of Square’s flagship franchise? You get a polished, compelling mish-mash that possesses neither the clear intrigue and individual focus of VS nor the standard-setting gameplay and thematic overtones that came to define FF. But hot damn it looks good!

It’s possible FFXII was doomed for me from the beginning. Still bitter from the Final Fantasy that wasn’t (XI), the idea of setting the next game in the universe of a series spinoff, replacing the head job and composer, both new to the series and inferior to the original men, was just asking me to nit-pick the final product to death. Even so, despite an initially negative reaction and what I believe are some serious shortcomings, I came to enjoy it quite a bit.

There is a great deal that FFXII does right. Towering above all is the visual presentation, with level design and graphical complexity, prerendered and in-game, so breathtaking it makes you want to cry. It’s all the more impressive that such a visual feast is served through the seven year old PS2 hardware. If the game’s other aspects matched its exquisite vistas and mind-bending layouts, it would certainly be one of the greatest games of all time.

Musically, Final Fantasy has always been a standard. Although you can argue the quality of Uematsu’s work of late, even FFX, on which he only partially collaborated, had its share of standout pieces. Hitoshi Sakimoto helmed FFXII’s composition, and he did about as well as his previous works. That is to say, if you preferred the glissando strings and roaming harmonies of Vagrant Story, Breath of Fire V, or Final Fantasy Tactics to Uematsu’s simpler melodic structure, you won’t be disappointed in the least. But for those that can still hum the original FF theme, Prelude, or any of the myriad of character themes that have made the Final Fantasy series an aural powerhouse over the years, you may come away from his latest work as I did – pleased overall, but a bit disappointed. The quality of composition is high, but like many film scores, it’s just present, not memorable. This approach works for some games (and movies), but for a series that almost singlehandedly opened the door to game music as a subgenre, the change is almost too stark. All of that said, I did like the music, just in a different way.

Speaking of changes, by far the largest is the battle system, an ever-evolving piece of Final Fantasy. FFXII jettisons the old system almost entirely, including random battles, static positions, and even the need to individually instruct your party members. Instead it feels like a modified MMO control style, with a twist to allow you command over three party members. The Gambit system lets you preprogram orders for your characters for everything from whom and when to attack, to what status buffs to maintain. This makes combat almost automatic, and without much difficulty reduces the player to simply driving around auto-piloted killing machines (you can still enter commands manually, but you quicky get broken of that in all but special circumstances). There is a notable feeling of accomplishment from maintaining and tweaking your party’s gambits, but in trade for a large dose of passivity. In the end, it just wasn’t quite as fun or engaging as previous installments.

What really let me down was the most critical part of any RPG: its story. The political intrigue of the main über-plot was engrossing enough, if a little dry (Is the princess alive? Will she reclaim her throne? Will the Archadian Empire succeed in drawing Rosaria into a conflict by asserting its dominion over the Kingdom of Dalmasca?). But the main problem lies in piss poor character development. Most of the characters, including Vaan the aspiring sky pirate, Penelo the poor young wench, and Basch the dishonored soldier, get 99% of their development in their introduction, after which they mindlessly follow the party for the rest of the game. The only playable character to really have any depth is Ashe, and that’s primarily because the entire fucking game revolves around her!

Other games in the series have suffered the same problem to lesser degrees. Tifa didn’t have much point beyond breasts, and Zell was about as tag along as they come. But no other game in the series has done so little with its cast after setting them up. While the plot of FFXII itself is passable, the characters themselves are all just faceless retainers in Ashe’s entourage (oh, we find out Balthier has an interesting dad but it never becomes part of the story, and Fran has a segment where we find out the sexy rabbit Viera people are in bizarre tune with nature).

An excellent example of character development done right in a game with a medium-to-large cast is the last great (IMO) game of the series, Final Fantasy X. Every character has an arc, a journey they themselves go on. They may all be going with Yuna on her quest to defeat Sin, but they have their own stories as well. In XII, Vaan has no story – from the start he wants to become a sky pirate. That’s it. I won’t spoil whether he succeeds or not, but it’s the only thing we know of his character from beginning to end.

All this ranting makes the game sound bad… It’s not. It was a lot of fun, and a good story if you pretend it only really consists of one or two characters.

Score: 8.5 / 10

I’m spending the summer in sunny Pensacola, Florida, for an internship with the Navy JAG (like the TV show!), and so far it’s been great. One mildly negative side effect of completely moving to a new city alone, however, is just that — I’m totally alone! My coworkers so far are good people, but mostly older than me, with families and lives of their own.

I have no doubt I’ll eventually develop a perfectly satisfactory social life in time (though being here just two months or so will cut that process short somewhat), but in the mean time I find myself with a lot of “free” time, especially on the weekends. Fortunately I’ve come prepared for just such a possibility, with a virtual cornucopia of gaming produce to tide me over and provide a healthy sense of accomplishment, despite the fact that I’m not actually achieving anything of real merit (but isn’t that always the case with videogaming? *le sigh*)

In the spirit of doing things of questionable real value, I’ll be commenting on my evanescent exploits here periodically, and any discussion following them would help me even further to whittle my days away (that means you, DS Fanboy). So! Bring on the game reviews!